Posts by Smoldering Wick

An older elder and ministerial servant were pulling up to the next house. Their wives were in the back seat. The two brothers got out and started heading to the house. Meanwhile, the wives are watching a man standing in his bathrobe on the front lawn. They noticed the bathrobe was open, he was nakid and the man was "pleasuring" himself in plain view with his right hand. Then they see their husbands stepping accross the lawn to greet the man...the man puts up his right hand and gives them both a firm handshake. Needless to say, the wives in the car were pretty grossed out. lol When the elder & his companion got back into the car and were told the news....the elder drove (with his arms not hands) as quick as he could to the nearest McDonald's to wash with soap and hot water.

15

lonley in TX

by bdaniela6 in

i am a single sister and currently live in tx.

i am very interested in meeting a brother with whom i can share the truth with.

i work a lot and often i find that there is no one to share my beliefs and feelings with.

Smoldering Wick

Hi Daniela!

I'm not a brother...and I may not share your beliefs....

BUT, I do live in TEXAS!

One outta Three ain't bad!

Welcome to the board! LOTS OF FRIENDS HERE!

~Smoldering

17

walking around with a bar of gold...

by happysunshine in

does anybody else deal with this kind of situation?

my current partner of 2 years is very cute, sexy, and exotic.

great, right?

Smoldering Wick

If You Wanna Be Happy
Jimmy Soul

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Sax solo

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

I'm so glad my husband didn't listen to that song. lol

12

Exjws..or not

by Brummie in

jw
friends

are you an exjw or not an exjw anymore...?

3 statements i heard people make: .

i am not an exjw anymore.

Smoldering Wick

If a really FAT person lost 100 lbs...would he/she want to be thought of as an EX-Fat Person forever? Or would that one gradually move on to think of themself as a thin person?

I've also heard many boast about being an EX-Bethelite, Ex-Pioneer (I've used that one!) or an Ex-Elder...Keeping that EX title LONG after leaving as a sort of EX-JW rite of passage.

Whatever we want to call ourselves, it doesn't change the fact that we were once JWs.

We can't deny it.

If some former JW wants to drop the EX...maybe it means they've just moved on with their life.

I envy them.

~Smoldering

of the "Supercalifrag-ilistic Ex-JW halitosis" class

17

Misheard Lyrics

by Brummie in

jw
friends

misheard lyrics: .

misheard lyrics:.

Smoldering Wick

Here are some of my misheard lyrics:

Song: Blinded by the Light
Artist: Manfred Mann's Earth Band
The real lyrics were:
Revved up like a deuceAnother runner in the night
But I misheard them as: Wrapped up like a douche (I never understood that one)
I knew their owner every night

Song: Feliz Navidad
Artist: Jose Feliciano

The real lyrics were:
Feliz Navidad

But I misheard them as: Fleas on a dog

Song: Two Of Hearts
Artist: Stacey Q
The real lyrics were:
Two of Hearts But I misheard them as: Two Pop-Tarts

Song: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Artist: AC/DC
The real lyrics were:
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap But I misheard them as:
Dirty deeds done with sheep

Song: Ain't No Woman (Like The One I Got)
Artist: Four Tops
The real lyrics were:
Ain't no woman like the one I got But I misheard them as: Ain't no woman like a one-eyed goat

How 'bout this one....and the lyrics were real?
Artist Donna Summer
Song Mac Arthur Park

Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again

um....ok

17

If You were God?

by Mr Spock in

jw
friends

if you were god what would you have done differently?

i think i would have forgiven adam and eve and the last six thousand years would have been a cakewalk.. i wouldn't have had to send down my son to be nailed to a tree and die a horrible death.

i also would have been much more clear in what i expext of my creation, maybe write a book that could be understood by anyone..maybe i would have sent some of my angels down to the babylonians when they were throwing babies in the fire as sacrifices to say don't do that!!

Smoldering Wick

IF GOD WERE A WOMAN...

Sex would smell like chocolate

Farts would smell like roses

Dogs would smell spring fresh

Babies would come from vending machines

Men would be born with a permanent erection

All women would have the same size breasts

There would be no cellulite

Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE

Men would be born with an "OFF" switch

There would be no "Tittie Bars"....Male Revue would continue

Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife

All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii

Men would inherit the menstrual cycle

Men would come with software to be custom designed

Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife

Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth

Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches

Sex would last longer than 30 seconds

Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek

Viagra would be an over the counter drug

5

Life Lesson

by SPAZnik in

lesson in worms

four worms were placed into four separate jars.

the first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

Smoldering Wick

What is the best advice to give to a worm?
Sleep late!

Edited by - Smoldering Wick on 24 September 2002 3:5:28

6

WHOO HOO!!!!! CHeck MY NEW PIC!

by TTBoy in

this is me (probobly drunk) in vegas around 6 years ago.

i no longer have the scater blond dyed hair do.

ohhh yea put me on the hottie list!

Smoldering Wick

I'll have what he's having.